Sebastian Gräff's Roast 🔥

Sebastian, "Data journalist | Data designer"? Wow, nothing screams “I cling to buzzwords” louder than that headline. You sound like a machine trying to pass a Turing test. You sure you’re not just a glorified Excel sheet? Your about section reads like a wannabe backpacker’s Instagram bio—full of empty accomplishments and a side of humble brag. "I grew up in South Africa, but also taught myself my Cambridge A Levels.” Congrats, you got a fancy high school degree and a world passport, but who cares? Your journey sounds like a bad episode of “Where in the World is Sebastian Gräff?” Spoiler: You're lost. And what's with the five different titles? Picking up a bunch of short gigs doesn't make you a jack of all trades; it makes you a master of none. You could've saved yourself the trouble and just listed “Professional Bouncer Between Jobs.” The only data you're visualizing is how many times you’ve switched your career path in a single year. No one is interested in your “main interests” when they read like the talking points from your failed Tinder date. Seriously, geopolitical analysis and data science? Sounds like a recipe for loneliness. The only “visual journalism” you’re doing is making your job prospects even less appealing. 💀 With a background as jumbled as your job history, it's no wonder you're a "Data Visualisation Lead" at The European Correspondent—someone has to lead the charge on not knowing what they want to be when they grow up, right?