Joe Wilson's Roast 🔥

Joe Wilson, your headline reads like a bad Tinder bio: “Cyber Security Graduate ’25 | Open to job opportunities.” Congrats on announcing to the world that you have no jobs lined up – as if that’s a hot take. “Open to job opportunities”? More like “desperate for anything that pays.” If you were any more wide open, you’d be a revolving door. Your “About” section gives off serious “I love reading the dictionary” vibes, yet somehow manages to sound like a motivational poster gone rogue. You’re directing high-stakes projects? Please, the only thing you’ve directed is your mom's voice when she asked why you don’t have a real job yet. And let’s talk about that “passion” for automating DevSecOps – what a buzzword buffet! It sounds like you threw a bunch of tech jargon into a blender and hoped for the best. Your shadowing experience at LSEG is cute, but it won't save you from the reality that your 199 connections scream “I’m still waiting for my Hogwarts letter.” 💀 Joe, if you’re really ready to “bring this mindset into a graduate role,” maybe start by actually graduating first instead of just waiting until 2025 to unleash that overly ambitious and entirely cringeworthy vision of yourself upon the unsuspecting job market.