Luca Bedford's Roast 🔥

Luca, your headline “Engineering student at the University of Oxford” sounds like a sad attempt to flex harder than your GPA can support. Newsflash: just being a student doesn’t magically make you relevant. You’d have better luck impressing people if you just said “person who abuses the coffee machine” – at least that implies you actually get things done. And wow, your "About" section looking emptier than a lecture hall at 8 AM? Truly impressive. You literally couldn't even be bothered to fill it out. Might as well have left it blank and saved everyone the time! And let's talk about those followers—647? That's barely enough to fill a bus, let alone a conference room. You’re out here rocking a connection-to-follower ratio that screams “desperate for validation.” Those internships? Two months and three months? What is this, a summer camp? You've got "Analyst" written next to "Poindexter Labs," and I’m convinced it’s just a lab for socially awkward geniuses who can’t get hired anywhere else. 💀 At this rate, Luca Bedford, you should consider changing your headline to "Professional Empty Profile Owner" because that's the only title you’re truly nailing right now.