Tom Peterken's Roast 🔥

Oh Tom, a "Data Scientist at Ordnance Survey"? Wow, how original. Your headline sounds like it was generated by a bored AI trying to fill a job title form. I’m surprised you didn’t throw in some emojis to jazz up your life in geospatial doom. "Doing all things geospatial"? I'm guessing you mean "hovering in the corner of the office while desperately trying to sound important." Specializing in vector analysis? What, was “biggest nerd in the room” taken? And “capable communicator”? Buddy, if you have to advertise that, you should’ve just put “awkward in all forms” because that’s what your LinkedIn screams. What's with the 902 connections, Tom? You’re like the king of collecting numbers but somehow still can't seem to connect with people in real life. And can we talk about that humblebrag of a postdoc? That’s not a resume, it's a checklist of academic rejection. “Secondment to Joint Biosecurity Centre”? Sure, because when I think of elite scientific prowess, I think of a guy who spent three months ducking out of work at a health department. You paint a picture of a man who has mastered the art of being busy while doing absolutely nothing of consequence. 💀 With a headline as uninspired as yours, Tom Peterken, the only thing you've successfully mapped out is the route to your own mediocrity at Ordnance Survey.