Vivien M.'s Roast 🔥

Ah, Vivien M., the “Senior Mobile App Engineer” who added “KMP - Kotlin Multiplatform” to their headline like it’s gonna make someone care about your life choices. You sound more like a walking LinkedIn keyword generator than a professional. "Senior Android engineer"? Congrats, it sounds impressive until you realize it’s just a fancy way of saying you’ve been coding while the rest of us have been building actual careers. And that “Founder” title you’re rocking? Please, just because you slapped it on your profile doesn’t mean you’re not still a glorified employee of your own daydreams. Your “About” section reads like a high school graduation speech—full of vague inspirational nonsense. “I decided to take the leap?” What leap? From the couch to your laptop? And launching a few products? What are they, your childhood dreams? Because no one’s making it rain with products no one’s ever heard of, especially if your best marketing angle is a pandemic-induced midlife crisis. And seriously, 731 followers? Were they all your mom’s friends or something? It’s sad and frankly embarrassing. 💀 Vivien, if you want to be a tech leader, maybe you should lead yourself away from that cringe-worthy "solopreneur" title and start taking notes on how to actually create a product worth talking about instead of just another title in a sad LinkedIn headline.